my soul almost died...

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Email Response.

so some of you have emailed me; wondering what my current status is, since i vented all over that ass a couple blog posts ago. ---well, honestly, i'm still in my break up process. it's going to take a while before i become seriously involved with someone else and sadly, i'm still in tha stage where i could completely RENIG and go back to ...him. so, to answer your question 'friend', i'm just kicking it really. more so with this guy whom shall be referred to as "Swee'TY'". he's such a sweetheart, such a nice guy and i've known him since forever. really, tha second grade. i moved and we grew up and lived lives separately and VERY far apart but something drew us to find each other and we're enjoying each other's company.

i'll explain to you, like i explained to him and my new friend 'St. Stephen.' Dating me, or whatever you want to call it, is very much DIFFERENT from trying to get with a regular, ol' run of tha mill, single 21 year old. not just because i'm so 'luxuriously lavish' or because my attitude toward certain people, places and things just aren't 'average.' ---it's more so because of my son and the responsibilities and obligations i have to him. i can't just have any ol' FINE ass, TALL ass, sexy ass nigga hanging around my kid. you gotta be respectful, responsible and be able to get along with him. don't get it twisted, he already has a father, and though, he's not so much in tha picture right now, i'm not in a rush to replace him with anyone. i'm not looking for a father for my son, i'm not LOOKING for anything, period. BUT...

actually BEING with me, considering yourself in some sort of relationship with me, you're gonna have to get past tha lil'man that'll always be number one to me. lol. &not to scare you guys but he's pretty savage, so he will slap you off. trust. he did it to my aunt in church. MIXX.


but anywho. that's my relationship status update for that rather surprising emailer.

=)

out with tha guys!

firstly, shouts to my nigga Joe. mixx.
lmao. soo, it was his bday this weekend and we decided to FINALLY take each other up on our neverending offers to go out. and well, gotDAMNit ...we went out alright. if you know anything about Downtown Charleston, it's like white tourist/college student central, especially in tha warm, summer months. and me, having tha awesomest figure that i have, it's often that i attract white guys in bars, clubs and random stores along King and Market St. Anywho...

we decided to hit up Wet Willie's and we all [joe. kev. me.] took shots of 'grandma' which is some brown liquor. &if yeen know, i REALLY don't do brown. but anywho...'Call-A-Cab' is my drink at this particular location because i don't need a big ass retarded ass cup OR do i need very many drinks AFTER my first medium sized one to feel good. I wasn't getting drunk because I was SUPPOSED to be tha DD. lol. [shut up, joe!] anywhoooo... so we continue to drink and this REALLY crappy cover band starts to play songs from Guitar Hero and i start to jam out. And this is when the white guys love black girls thing comes in...

i'm shaking my lil'tooter and what do i see behind me, some weirdo white guys trying to do some rock/jig behind me. ugh! BACK to tha BAR...at tha bar joe was being tha personable guy that he loves to be and starts a convo with this REALLY drunk guy who was going to a wedding tha next day. a REAALLLY cute white guy walks up to be and says..."is that tha bartender?" i was like, "who that drunk guy? no. tha bartender is behind tha bar, silly." he then looks at me and gets REALLY close and starts grabbing on my ass..& i'm like "what do you need?" he's like, "i forgot! i dunno. but you're sexy..." and he starts caressing my back. i'm like this IS a cute ass white boy! and cute ass boys sho' do love some DANI. so as i'm about to continue flirting kev pulls me away. outside. with tha GOONS. great.

OFF to PURPLE TREE.
on tha way, i see some white guys that are gawking and starring and i'm wondering what it is about me that attracts them. my bubbly personality, or my white girl jugs! lol. i think it's tha jugs. oh well. anywho. so we're at purple tree and somehow joe finagles us in with little to no complaints and it's CERTAINLY on and popping ...get up stairs...
Phillipino guy grabs my ass. i dance. =)
White guy gets super crunk behind me. then grabs my ass. i dance.
head to tha bar...there's something about alcohol that makes me want to show everyone my tongue ring. [call me a tease, i don't care. you can suck me off, properly. thank you!] so of course, we're back on tha dancefloor. jiggin. jammin. and partying hard. MORE white guys. MORE dancing. good times with tha goons.

a must do again.
next time, i'll wear panties.

woooooop! pce.

gRRr. so this is how it's going to be.

yeah. so. i think tha other day was tha first time i actually spoke to my BD without arguing or lying or talking about false hope. it was weird. he blocked his freaking number from me. I mean i'm not even going to lie, i miss tha kid. i miss his stupid little remarks, i miss tha way he mispronounced words and used euphamisms incorrectly and how i ALWAYS corrected him, [only because it's a pet peeve of mine, not to be bitchy.] but anywho....

but you know when you're going through a break up, you remember all the good times that you guys had and you begin to think about what could work and how you could maybe change the way you look at tha situation. and usually, you convince yourself that maybe you guys just needed this lil' 2 week break and now, you guys can be together. FO'REAL this time. but, i'm looking back on our relationship as a whole. tha shit started off fucked up [literally.] and just went downhill from there. we never really dated. we never really got to know each other before we decided that we should be connected for the rest of our lives. or at least until, mase gets grown and we don't have to discuss his upbringing anymore. ---i can't remember where i heard this or saw this little saying but i say it to myself, EVERYTIME i get into 'tha break up slump'..."Good sex makes it hard to work on the BAD things in a relationship." and that was sooo, true. i mean it took a couple times, to actually be ...umm... ya know. but he was up to having sex like 4 times in one ...umm, acquaintance. then he'd go do his thing. or we'd sleep. or eat and then 4 more times. =/ ---i knew he was immature. i knew he was irresponsible, but i didn't care because anytime we began to discuss our future we'd have sex and those FUCKING endorphines would make my brain disregard EVERYTHING i knew was true.

grRRr. so this is how it's going to be.
awkward conversation.
thoughts as if you're still in a relationship.
tha urge to ask.."where you at?" "who you wit?" ..."you fucking?"
one of the biggest PILLS i'm going to have to swallow during this entire ordeal...is...
tha fact that i LOVE him. i LOVE him so much that i had his first child. his son.
i LOVE him so much that i put myself in the oddest and sometimes, least safe situations.
i LOVE him so much that i pushed him to tha point where he would actually take some initiative to better himself, his future, his LIFE [even if it was out of spite. to prove me "100% wrong."] and some other, unappreciative, in that case, lucky female is going to end up with tha man, i was trying to make him ALL along. ---and it's going to hurt. it's going to open up old scars when my son comes home from visiting 'daddy' and says "mommy, daddy's getting married to Miss [StankAssBitch]" or something like that...

solution: i'm preparing myself. i'm focusing on my future. school. and getting myself together. because i can't be any use to ANY man, my BD or anyone else if i'm not on my shit. and TRUST bitches, i'm getting there. i'm making decisions and plans and STICKING to them. and best of all, i'm not holding any grudges, i'm not guarding my heart. i'm not gonna walk around all bitter and shit, complaining about why i don't have what other ppl do. and i'mma be STRAIGHT as hell. that THAT'S how it's REALLY gonna be.

mixx dat.

so if we can't sing, we put naked pics on tha web...

omg. i'm almost certain you guys have seen those naked pics of ---umm, cassie and rihanna. firstly, i'm mad cassie ain got NO titties and niggas is still thinking those pics are tha shit. her little statement as to why those showed up on the internet was stupid. talking about someone 'hacked' into her computer and 'stole' her personal photos from her computer. like those Y! chat days when folks sent temp. viruses to your computer via friend requests. lol. she's stupid. CASSIE, you're stupid. &if you ask me. you need some implants or get somebody to start sucking on those like 'squito bites. lol...

everybody KNOWS rihanna is my babymama and i love her to death. it has nothing to do with her vocal stylings and EVERYTHING to do with her long ass legs and her pretty ass eyes. omg! i love that ho to tha FULLEST! ---anywho, about HER naked pics...which are ACTUAL full nudes of her almost perfectious anatomical structure...[unlike cassie's lil' nibblets...]. chris brown, who was supposed to be my first babydaddy, is resulting in little bitch moves. she probably sent him those pics when they were in different countries touring at same time. but i like them and she shouldn't be too upset. she looks good...hmm, tha things we'd [ty &i] discussed ...wait, and harry. bahahaha.

anywho. had tha link to tha pics on a french blog..but i gotta find it again.

check back for pic posts.

new excitement...

So the month of May is going to be a good month, i can already tell...

---i'm getting my car back FINALLY. [even if i have to buy one myself.]
i'm starting summer school at the end of the month.

Mason turns 5 months old on tha 9th.
My very FIRST mother's day on tha 10th.
Tayl's 18th bday on tha 11th...


it's gonna be a great month ppl!

oh yeah...&biker week !! woohoo..

see yall there.
pce.

this nigga so DUMB...[vent session1]

yeah. so yall must have an overall gist of how i react to dumb ass shit...by now, if yall keep up with my blogs and shit...so i'mma just tell yall how i felt about this DUMB ass motherfucking ass situation and tell me if i'm wrong. BE honest, cuz if i was wrong and didn't realize than shit...i'll apologize...REAL SHIT.

[vent session intializing...]

---yeah. so i'm on tha phone with my retarded asss, ignorant, immature, broke ass BD...we'll call him Babs. [broke. ass. bitchass. sackchaser. don't ask...me &my fellow babymama be babydaddy bashing &we come up with STUPID ass motherfucking names for STUPID ass motherfuckers that we SOOOOOOO regret sharing our beautiful blessings with...] anyway, that's a diff post...for a later date...



so, i'm on that phone with Babs and shit &i'm like yeah, so you wanna come get 'baby' for a weekend. [mind you that this bitch nigga ain seen 'baby' in over 2months.] ---so this motherfucker gon' sit there and ask me 'WHY?' nigga said that shit like, i was asking him to fucking cut some grass or walk down tha street for some unknown reason. SO, i'm like ..."wdf? nvm. bitch." ---this nigga gon' say some dumb off tha wall shit like..."why? whatchu bouta go do?" nigga ain nobody said SHIT about going NOWHERE, you dumb piece of SHIT. like c'mon! if you don't want to see him, then shit, just say that motherfucking shit. don't sit there like i be out clubbing and partying and shit... nigga, i'm a mother of a 4mth old. what tha fuck i look like, just leaving him to go party? nigga, you are tha dumbest motherfucker i've EVER encounter in my life. he's substantially overly ignorant. like he's TOO simple-minded! more so than any OTHER 24 year old FATHER. like c'mon! i got so pissed when he kept badgering me about what i'mma be doing...



then i got to tha point where ok, if you wanna act like a motherfucking faggot ass cocksucker, then i'mma treat you like tha sackchasing, broke ass, bum bitch that you apparently ARE. so i get to telling him how about how shitty he is. i'm not even gonna go into detail about all the bullshit i've put up with over the WORST year of my ENTIRE life. if i could take EVERYTHING back, meeting him, talking to him, walking in tha same vacinity as this motherfucker than i would. i would take back EVERYTHING. so then ...we continue texting back and forth because i couldn't stay on tha phone with this cocksucker. so i tell him EVERYTHING that 'baby' needs for the upcoming month, this nigga told me to go suck some dick to get what i need for my son. i'm only telling yall this because ONE) i'm pissed tha fuck off. &TWO) because i know somewhere out there another babymama thinks she made a horrid irreversible mistake of sharing God's most precious blessing with SATAN! . so i'm laughing at this motherfucker because he's sad. he fails to realize that he is ultimately going to lose. i wake up EVERYDAY and see my son's beautiful, round face. and his fat thighs and pudgy toes. i was there when he learned how to sit up. when he started smiling and laughing socially. when he started eating cereal with a spoon. i was there when he discovered his feet and started sucking on his toes! this nigga has missed SO much &with his shitty as attitude he's gonna miss out on EVERYTHING else. he's not gonna be there to see 'baby' crawl, take his first step, hell prob won't be there to hear his first words, why? because he never had any intentions of being a father. i've come to that conclusion. that he never really wanted a family, he just thought i was cool to SAY you had a SON. i'm almost certain if it was a girl, things would be A LOT worse! ---the reason, i'm so pissed is because i trusted and believed in this sorry sack of shit and got exactly what i paid for.



i'm just sorry for 'baby.' i'm sorry that 'baby' will never know who his biologically father is in a family setting. i'm sorry that 'baby' is going to have to visit deadbeat daddy once every 2-4mths depending on if deadbeat daddy isn't tricking off with "marlisha", "tameica" or "some other LUCKY female." if he isn't in the club getting drunk and having unprotected sex with freshmen from GEORGIA STATE UNIVERSITY. if he isn't giving himself false hope that he's ACTUALLY gonna do somthing with his life. he isn't.



i'm VERY sad for 'baby' in that aspect BUT...

i'm so HAPPY for 'baby' because tha man he'll call daddy, or pops a beautiful respectful man. a man with goals and achievements. a man that honors his obligations no matter the opinions of others. a man that holds a woman's mind, body and soul to tha highest regards and would NEVER put his hands on a female, regardless of circumstance. a man that exudes utter self-control, discipline and integrity and he will pass this WONDERFUL perfectious characteristics onto 'baby' as if he was HIS son. &it will be a beautiful day when 'stepdaddy', 'baby' and i are riding in our Mercedes stationwagon, on our way to eat lunch with our extended family. &Babs will probably be strung out somewhere living off another poor unfortunate female that thought she actually had a man, and later found out he was a dragon from tha pits of Satan's Hell. ---there are so many things that i could say about Babs that i won't even go into ...because half the people that read this know him personally and this may skew your view of this "cool guy." but i will say this....



you can tell how a man is going to be by the way he treats his mother, old people and kids.

he puts his hands on his mother. tells her personal business in front of others; displays UTTER disrespect and dishonor towards her. calls her a bitch to her face &turns around and asks her for money from her disability &SSI checks. =/



---other than his grandmother; interaction with old people are minimal to none. &he lies to her all tha time.



---&kids. well, ---you read tha blog, didn't you.



tsk. [vent session complete.]

SPRINT over to your local mobile phone service provider...

yeah. so if yall was trying to txt me, or call me anytime between 3:00AM and 11:30AM ---you would have kindly gotten redirected to a previously recorded man's voice that basically told you that my phone was politely turned off. LOL. BUT---me being tha resourceful and intelligent female that i am ...i quickly logged onto my SPRINT account and chatted with an idiotic customer service rep, that didn't help me in tha least bit...that BITCH. then i called customer service and finagled my way into a $140 increase on my spending limit [which is ALREADY $300.] don't ask. well, actually it's because i have two phone lines on my account. =) ---but anywho... so i'm BACK in business until ...i incurr $140 worth of charges on my account. which isn't impossible because apparently my mom is using 411 like it's FREE. &it's NOT. geez ...


anywho.
yall can hit tha cell now. =)


PS. i love sprint! fuck verizon's cool ass innovative ass phones! [tha rest of tha phone companies are severely subpar compared to sprint! ...word.]


mixx.