Damn Sig...

soo, yeah. about this jay-z diss from beanz...umm. i just gotta get my laugh out. GNROTMFFLMMFAO!!!! i rate "Average Cat" about a 6/10 on tha beef/diss track scale.









okay. though, hip hop was founded on battle raps and shit like that. i still gotta laugh a little bit. NOT cuz Sig tha SAVAGE, tha epitome of Goonery is coming at Jay whom i LOVE. I'm laughing at tha outro this nigga put on this diss track. your flow should be enough. you should jst be snapping so hard on a diss record that you don't have to clarify, verify and amplify whatever it is that initially inspired you to record a track airing out your personal beef with anyone ...not JUST Jay. i'm mad this nigga is almost crying at tha end of tha track...like "dude, you broke my heart. you were my friend. que pasa?" And to be honest, Beanie was probably one of tha most gutta motherfuckers in tha ROC camp ...them philly niggas are savages. like literally...they get tha cartilage part off tha chicken bone &they have those Jersualem, "follow tha drinking gourd" ass beards. they were timberlands, &scullies in tha summer...JUST ANIMALS, i tell ya! ---i'm just saying... as a DISS record, i expected more.


or was it a catalyst for something much more Sig-esque...?

Personally, i think Jay & Bey need to go buy a fucking island and leave tha game to new FRESH talent. Especially since Jay's entire album is about how he's too rich to go back to his raw, uncut rhymes. ---fine, take your money &ACTUALLY retire. :) [no shade tho...]

i'm just NOT a fan.

i'm just gonna go ahead &put this on here. just because i have this somewhat debate with people far too often. This whole Nicki Minaj being hot like DYLAN, DYLAN DYLAN ass niggas. Firstly, i'm not saying she sucks. ---actually... i DEFINITELY AM. she's garbage. yall bitches think she hot cuz she trying to replace trina...who tried to replace LIL KIM &FOXY. ain none of yall "bad bitches" and got SHIT on FOXY BROWN. yeah, she might be deaf &she in and out of jail and shit...but FUCK YOU. she's awesome. ---no shade, but i dont think nicki minaj is great. tha bitch not even good. so WHAT'S all tha commotion?

i'm sorry i know what raw talent sounds like, wait. no. i'm not. &by NO MEANS am i saying that i have tha best musical ear &i should be somebody's A&R person. but if a rapper comes out sounding another rapper... when tha fascade of another rapper...then *ahem [bow wow, you are NOT TI.]* i will not be a fan. [being a fan, means knowing the lyrics to numerous songs throughtout tha span of an artists career.]...i will not ask the aforementioned "rappers" for autographs. i might not even recognize Ms. Minaj in tha street. Hell, she look like somebody i knew that went to Burke HS. or who graduated from Mays High School. shit. seriously. ---i'm not hating. because i never said she didn't look good. i'd pipe [only if she got tha BUTTPADS on. poke a lil whole in tha front!] but still...tht's BEYOND tha point. she HAS NO TALENT! period. all i gotta do is get some enhancements to my ass &play around with my voice until i find something pitchy and annoying and get one of my musically inclined goons to write me some savage shit. &move to ATL. bet i'd be on tha radio. &then i'd get on YOUTUBE w/ a video. : i'm just saying. don't say no shit about a bitch having a mixtape, or video or some other "baller-esque" ranked marketing medium... ALL a nigga need is marketing money. you no longer have to have talent to get on TV. or have a shitty ass video on 1-0-SUCKS &dork.

i'm just NOT a fan.

What YOUR future looking like..?

yeah. so lately, i've been contemplating tha idea of moving away again and trying to start a new life with my son. unlike last time, i have a bit more responsibilities and my outlook &perspective on life has changed. ---so i'm taking the important thing into account. I'm weighing my options, tis why i've been dwelling on it for the past 6mths or so. I knew there would come a time when I had to thank my people for everything they've done &finally embark on this cold world, all by my lonesome again. But UNLIKE last time, i am equipped with more knowledge, wisdom and focus than i had before and am MUCH more confident in my abilities "out there."

In the mist of my contemplation, i run across different avenues in which i could fenagle something &get a head start on my future. BUT...everytime i'm about to take that last step to the point of minimal/no return something happens. SOMETHING always stops me and makes me rethink it...maybe it's fear...or maybe it's my, now btter, sense of judgement; a gut feeling that "hmmm, you may make tha same mistake again, if you cut corners" &so i don't. i wait it out because a little bird once told me that after the rain comes sunshine. so i pick my battles and decided to weather the storm a bit more. School has always been easy for me but after a certain point i think it became less of a priority and more of a burden. More of a liability in tha short term than a long term asset.---but that was my weak state of mind. my immaturity at its peak &i'm paying tha consequences everyday. The immense lack of employment opportunities makes it a hard decision for young adults who have to pay bills. I know I say this often, TOO often i'm being to think, that i STILL know college graduates who are becoming depressed and shoved into the "real world" because the scarcity of employment is RIDICULOUS. I know grown ass men that still live of their parents because they were unable to get A job after college, not a GOOD job. just A job.

People always suggest low paying jobs, just to have some sort of employment until you find something in your field of study...but SHIT. even with those jobs, hiring managers dont want to hire someone they feel may cost them more money. an over-qualified individuals ...is what they call 'em. The same person with the college degree can go to a a better paying job in their field of study and apply for an entry-level position and STILL not get it because they don't have "experience." &a LOT of places want 2+ years of experience. ----so tha question is... be over-qualified with no job OR start at tha bottom &work your way up? It'll probably take approximately the same time to get where you need to be...except you'll actually be getting paid doing one.

jst a thought.

To You:

yeah, so i wrote these pieces a WHILE ago... &i finally found them.

F'n C's: Ode to a Good Man

I Flirted with tha wrong guy &caught feelingsFeelings that had me feeling that i probably shouldn't feel him. So i'm feverishly fiendin for a fella less apealing but I couldn't quite find anyone with that more than friends feeling.

So.

My head is in tha clouds contemplating cautiously about my cuncubine aquaintance that I can't seem to leave. Quoting common cases. Occurring oh too commonly;"be cautious &careful. Consider cancelling him oh so casually."

But...That fucking familiar feeling keeps following me around. This nigga gotta figga...that I've never fucking found. Once again, i'm finding myself; fuckin w/ a "friend"...if I could just find a worthy fella; i'd do less fondling w/ him.

Yet.

He continuously captures me. Catching every cue. Slipping in my comfort zone, "girl, what'd i'd do to you!" I reply "i'm coming." i'm cumming. Came. But, No consequences came.

So.

I'm still flirting with tha wrong guy. Feelings feeling free. Feverishly fiending for his fingertips on me. Fuck. I'm falling for this guy; &he's been fell for me. But I can't fuck with this normal guy cuz he's too good for me.

...made me sing like Beyonce (this one was literally copied &pasted from fbook...)

Friday, April 3, 2009 at 1:17am Edit Note Delete
Uploaded via Facebook Mobile

*so i've found a NEW muse [no offense to my past muses]. everytime I get tha urge, I just whip out "mandy" [my pda] &begin to type. ---but since mase spit up on my phone my "p" & "o" keys don't work. 'tis why I used zeros instead. how am I making o- & p- words now, you ask? 3 words. TOUCH SCREEN, BITCH! but using keyboard is faster... anywho, my muse shall remain unidentified out of respect for my past muses &for tha sake of gigantic male egos that think this poem is about them...* ENJOY!

He whispers sweet n0things;while he ainSAYIN n0thing but he's breathing s0 deep I can feel him thru tha ph0ne.

My s0ul smiles s0 wide. &I d0n't kn0w why but it's c00l cuz y0u're c00l and I can dig it cuz y0u're y0u.

A sm00th 0perat0r, n0 criminal intent but y0u're stealing my heart &it's been well w0rth tha wait.

Never have I ever th0ught I c0uld feel again, tha way I d0, t0 say I d0 t0 y0u, f0r y0u i'm made.

str0ng. l0ng deep sex. Deep c0nv0. str0ng heart. Beat chest. A king, a man. My man tha king, I feel y0ur heart. I hear it sing. t0 me. Thru me y0ur light shines bright ...n0t t0 s0und like her;

but y0ur hal00..00..00...

y0u

Are

My

saving

Grace.

long overdue...

tha other day i went to work. i was lifted like a redneck's f-150 and looking forward to a LONG uneventful and rather mundane day at work. i get there stupid early because i was having every intention of being tha first to get cut; i didn't feel like that shit that day.

so. i get there. i'm sittin there just chillin. yall know how i do. then one of my many friends from the kitchen rolls up on me as usual ...&asks me what's wrong. he said he was so used to me coming in with a smile on my face, hugging and joking around with everyone. he started complimenting me RANDOMLY. not your everyday, "oh you look nice today" ass compliments.

"you got your own car, right?"

YEAH.

"&you in school? and you work..."

YEP. FULL TIME STUDENT.

"man, you doin sooo good. you are a strong black woman. you only 21?"

AW, THANKS. YEP. JUST 21...

"omg. you are doing so well. you keep doing you, girl. you are definitely an amazing woman."

He hugged me, yall. &i started crying. I just wanted to tell him THANK YOU. but i couldnt stop crying. i was bawling. but tha tears JUST WOULDN'T STOP. i've been getting complimented by a lot of my friends by tha way i handle shit. &i just want to tell them that this shit is HARD. it is tiresome and stressful. but that's LIFE.

so, once i got that little cry out. i told him thank you. i got cut first. &enjoyed my day off work.

so everybody hustling, grinding and staying focused. yall keep doing yall shit. but sometimes, you gotta let that stress and frustration out. i know for me, that was LONG OVERdue.

pce.

nkefce.

i'm BACK.

yeah. so, i've been severely MIA, tha tasks and duties of motherhood, school &work have kept me from my little piece of bliss. my own little corner in tha cyberworld where i can DO &SAY whatever tha FUCK i want... heehee. i know you guys missed me. &if you didn't that's cool too. to each his own...

so i was looking for this poem that i wrote about my boo, i originally posted it on fbook but i deactivated my account some months ago & could've SWORN i emailed to myself... but anywho. in my quest to find my gosh darn piece i stumbled acrossed the beginnings of my life story...
i was in a different state of mind back then... about 6 months ago. &now, i dont think i'll be able to finish...at least not in tha same direction i was going at first. i haven't proofread &i just skimmed over tha first paragraph before i thought i posting it here. so bare with tha grammatic errors and shit... i MAY or MAY NOT go back and fix 'em... anywho..

ENJOY.. or not...

So many things have become much more clear; now that I am at the threshold of my quasi-independence. To be a mother is the ultimate gift &to give life is the ultimate blessing. With that blessing comes ultimate sacrifice, of a lifestyle of leisure, irresponsibility and selfishness.
One cannot understand the pride of motherhood nor the mindset of success &pure unconditional love. Everyone wants to be successful and some are lucky enough to experience true love but motherhood takes those desires and expands them exponentially. A span that almost seems impossible at first glance when one has limited or no immediate resources. So here I am teetering between adulthood and motherhood, a limbo that i've become far too acquainted with for far too long.
My decision to dive head first into what seemed like an appropriate depth; has left me still searching for the bottom. So often has my mindset been that if I finally reach the bottom, then i'll have nowhere to go but up. As soon as I am about to accept defeat, a voice tells me that he has faith that we'll succeed; he is confident in my strength and my abilities. It is then that I pray to the Father for strength not only to tread the waves of tribulations for myself but also for the trials and encroachments beating the shores of my son and my future husband.
My main goal is just to become established. And before today, I thought that if I could just make something occur, practically spontaneous and overnight, that I could finagle my way to a more self satisfying lifestyle. B. A. M. N.---by any means necessary. But as time progressed, things progressively got worse and postpartum depression become a euphamism for my daily life happenings. Anytime I spent alone, I cried. Cried, not to release emotions of frustration, anger or fear but just to decrease the oxygen flow to my cerebral cortex and induce a comatose-like state until my baby woke up, my, then, baby's father called or my mother came home with news of social interaction with individuals that did more than eat, sleep and blow gigantic saliva-based spherical rotunds.
My life had become what my siblings and I rolled over insulting, poking fun and mocking as young adolescents. I felt I had disappointed them, parents and myself. Quickly, things began spiralling out of control and lost become a daily routine. I want better for myself. For my son. For my family. On saturday, april 25, 2009, my journey has begun to become my dream; the american dream ---a better person, responsible mother and loving wife. This is my story.