As I've grown older, I've noticed that sometimes guarding your feelings are essential to protecting yourself from a broken heart, disappointment and pain but I've also learned that it is imperative to differentiate between those that deserve your sincerity and those that do not. It may seem almost impossible to move on from someone whom you loved and consider opening up yourself to someone else. I believe the people that hurt us are the most important people in finding true happiness. Out of the characteristics, personality traits and physical appearances, it's damn complicated to conjure up the perfect mate; to create an ideal person that incorporates all your earthly desires and needs. Not only does it take an infinite amount of time to list our wants in a mate, primarily because our wants change frequently and sometimes contradict themselves, it is humanly impossible for a someone to be infallible and possess every such characteristic that we've compiled in our mile long list.
The relationships we go through in life, the ones that crash and burn, the ones that explode in violence, anger and ultimately depression are the most valuable ones in our future relationships. To know what you want is good, but to know exactly what you don't want is invaluable. I think it is a blessing to be able to come out of a failed relationship with knowledge of what your limits are and what you will not tolerate ever again. Some individuals don't mind infidelity [me being one of them because I believe that if any opportunity arises for a man to cheat and potentially not get caught, he will act now and think about it later] but care more about the compassion and affection from their mate. If you know that you do not want a mate that resembles anything of the past mishaps you experienced, then you're more than half-way down the right path to a successful relationship.
The next steps deal with personal feelings. Sometimes it is best to just let yourself feel whatever it is you feel about your partner. I find it stressful and tense when you try to fight feelings of love or hate. It's like they say, it takes more muscles to frown than it is to smile. So if someone makes you happy, let them make you happy. If you guard your heart from every individual that tries to enter your life, you will definitely miss out on some amazing individuals. I've used this philosophy in making and keeping my friends. I, now, know what I value in a friendship and it's a bit deeper than smoking, drinking, partying and trivial banter about "personal" issues. I, now, know what I value in a relationship with a significant other. Someone with compassion, honesty and good work ethic. I'm old-fashioned at heart. I appreciate a man that does manual labor, but doesn't mind cooking. I like a man that is independent and responsible. Sadly, before now, I had no idea what I truly wanted in a mate until I had the most unproductive and meaningless relationship with a person whose personality did not compliment mine and whose outlook on life was nothing more than how to satisfy his personal desires, and that is absolutely fine. It's just not fine with me. A man like that can never be able to show love to another person because vulnerability would be shown and he has no confidence that the one who loves him would actually catch him when he falls.
That relationship has helped me realize what I don't want in a partner and enabled me to recognize a real man when I finally came in contact with one. My rotten past relationships were blessings in disguise because my heart became stronger from working so hard to love people that did not love me back. And now, with this big, strong heart I am able to love my son, my family and open up to someone who has potentially swept me off my feet without even knowing. My past relationships have keened my sense of judgement and honesty. I am more straightforward with what I want from him and I feel that he is sincere in every sense of the word. We fit together and it's amazing. I've also learned that in due time, love will come again and I am in no rush ---but, if that's what I feel...
I'm going to just feel it.
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