Dear Charleston,

Ok. Before i go on my rant for this late night blog sesh. I just want to say ...PUBLICLY that i LOVE my CITY ...PUBLICLY. &PUBLICLY i will rep CHUCKTOWN and tha Carolinas until tha day i keel over and kick tha bucket simultaneously. But, PRIVATELY, i'm in pain. my city hurts my heart everyday when i see such atrocities as i have bared witness to in tha recent months.

Dear CHARLESTON:

I know you have talent. I've witnessed the talented children you have birthed and raised and I am proud of you for allowing them to develop and grow but CHARLESTON, please! In order to flourish as a community as a unit we must support each other. we must BUILD each other, and acknowledge pure talent when we come in contact with it! ---but as a child of charleston, as a CHUCKTOWN soulja til tha end, I WILL NOT CONDONE GHETTO ACTIVITIES. I'm not saying you can't embrace where you're from. [though, from my dear friend chap, i've discovered that if you are not and were never a resident of warsaw, poland than you have no idea what a "ghetto" really is.] i will NOT support a female "model" who insists on wearing starburst candy wrappers and 10$ bills in her hair or has her ass hanging out of some Wet Seal jeans she cut holes in. I WILL NOT support a "promo" company that allows their models to wear nylon bra-like tops and shorts that look like they took some of granny's old stockings and cut tha legs off! i will NOT support wack ass, talentless "artists," that think ain nobody "feelin" them &everybody's "hating" on thaCHUCK. i will NOT.

Charleston, PLEASE. if you want tha rest of tha world to FEEL you, HEAR you, SEE you, please act like you got some HOME TRAINING. ---you have such a rich history and culture that i REALLY feel like you're cheating yourself. You can keep your gritty geechee accent and slang but be able to ARTICULATE. be able to let tha world know EXACTLY what you mean, when your lyrics radiate through tha airwaves. Be PRESENTABLE. You can express your style without looking like you fell off a fucking turnip truck! like SERIOUSLY, Charleston. I love you. &i'm only saying these things because, A) they're true. B) i KNOW you can do better. I know you have tha ability to take entertainment, nightlife, music, art, CULTURE to another level and cordially invite tha rest of tha country to your beautiful salt water beaches, FRESH seafood and to "skrait MIXX like a TWIXX, outcha!"

oh, Charleston. if you love me, and i KNOW you do. because you welcomed me and my seed into your loving arms and have helped support us, supplying us with shelter, compassion and understanding---if you love me, like i love you. ---Just take this letter as a gesture of good faith, that you will take heed to what is obviously as befuddling to you as it is to me...

don't change who you are. just modify and adapt. make yourself more appealing to your target audience while enhancing what is already beautiful. you have tha talent. you have tha resources. utilize and succeed.

but ay, man.

i outcha.

mixx me,

nkefce

Everybody has problems ....

...shit. everybody gotta cry sometimes. shit. let this man release and regroup! but WHY is this FOOL singing in tha background?!! like wdf... tht's tha shit that slays me!



---it's ok, stephon! you can cry. your homeboy shoulda shut his mouth &got you some tissues! life is real, people!

FREE! FREE! FREE!! ---yeeeeeah, boy!

...i know we ALL can appreciate FREE shit these days, especially in this unstable ass economy. BUT not only am i giving you guys access to FREE shit, it's MUSIC!!

CLICK HERE FOR THE PRELUDE EP
*my fav track is "Bare Soles."* CHECK IT OUT!

He's on iTunes. Myspace. Facebook. Twitter.

ItsNoTiQbruh

Enjoy!

a YEAR ago TODAY...

Today is such a DAY for me! ---a YEAR ago, today, i think i made tha realest and most life changing decision of my life and went a little something like this...

so, i met this dude in march 2008 ---i was instantly attracted to him because he was SO freakin' tall. like 6'3" maybe 4"-ish. but he was REALLY tall and yall know i LOVE height. at first, it started out as a casual sex thing and quickly grew into what i believe now to be a rabid cross between LOVE &LUST. like ...i think it was an extreme case of both. but anywhooo, soon after we had began this relationship, i got into a car accident. I was trying to cross traffic because my significant other wanted to eat at some restaurant across tha street or something...&some impatient driver sped down the median and plowed into tha side of my Lexus ES 300 and i thought i died. I wasn't really hurt but my car was no more. i knew i would NEVER see her again &i cried my eyes out. I phoned my mom and told her about tha accident and she insisted that i go to tha emergency room. so, mom made a trip to ATL and took me to tha doctor. so, as anyone knows well, females ...tha doctor has to take a pregnancy test on you before they do x-rays because radiation is harmful to the fetus.

So, i sat there waiting for the doctor to come in and direct me to get my x-rays. he came in and said... "i'm sorry, but i can only give you this splint because you're pregnant." i died. i think i may have died twice. my mother and bf at tha time where sitting in tha waiting room. i was almost certain my life was over. i txted my bf "i'm pregnant." ...he txted me back "i knew it." my mom came back to see why it was taking so long for them to get me out of there, seeing as to i wasn't really injured. ---i then burst into tears and told her i wanted to come home. i wanted to transfer from GSU and go to C of C and leave ATL because i hated it! i hated tha people. i hated tha city, i hated everything about it! ---she told me, "no." she told me that i can't run away from my problems and that i need to deal with them because all they will do is FOLLOW me wherever i end up. i told her to send my bf in. when he sat down, the doctor came in. The doctor asked if he could talk openly. i said "yes. this is my boyfriend." ---he said, "well, it looks like you're between 4-6wks pregnant." and he handed me ALLLLL this paper work. telling me where i could find prenatal care, OBGYN, pharmacies, counseling...everything. i took it threw it in my bag and left. my mom left ATL the next day and i cried. i cried for about 4 hours straight. i decided that having an abortion was tha best thing to do, because i KNEW tha lifestyle that HE was accustomed to &me &a baby didn't fit into that.

so, i called around trying to find abortion clinics and pricings for tha procedure. i found a place that was rather popular. i told her my situation and she told me that they start at 6wks and to call back next week when i knew for sure that i was at least 6wks prego. so i did. i got tha price and a date! i had psyched myself out and was prepared to have this surgery done. i told HIM how much it was, &he some how got tha money. since no one else knew about this, and i no longer had my car &he didn't have one either... he asked a friend to take us to the appt.
---the day before the appt., he picked a fight with me about something VERY stupid and disappeared. he didn't call or come by my apartment. i got scared that something had happened to him and was trying to make sure that he would be able to make the appt w/ a money order so we could get this over with, so i called the friend that was supposed to take us. evn HE couldn't find him. or at least that's wht he told me. ---i then get a call,:

"WHY THA FUCK DID YOU CALL JOHN? WHY YOU CALLING AROUND ASKING PEOPLE ABOUT ME?!"
"what? i just wanted to know what happened to you." ...
"MAN, FUCK YOU! BLAH--BLAH-BLAH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU BETTER FIND ANOTHER WAY TO PAY FOR THIS ABORTION CUZ I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY MONEY!" ...
"what?!!??!!! i'll get half. i'll just tell my mom. &she'll send me half."...
"WELL, I'LL GET OVER THERE WHEN I CAN. BYE"
*click*

my heart sank to my butthole! i was almost certain that i wouldn't be able to afford half, because i had no idea how my mother would react. but i figured i could get one of my friends to help me out if i told them EXACTLY what was going on. somehow, we made up. don't ask me how or why. i was very stupid and pregnant. &if you've never been alone or pregnant, you can't even imagine tha depression, a lonely pregnant female goes through. i stopped eating for a very long time. relationships with most of my friends went sore. i didn't have a means to contact anyone and i really didn't have ANYONE i could talk to. HE was tha ONLY person that KNEW anything about this situation at least for me &i was ABSOLUTELY ALONE. time pressed on. i got more pregnant, but didn't really show any signs. other than that my boobs were massively massive and my hair was thick as hell.---i partied. hard. i cried. harder. i wasn't a well person. and so we tried AGAIN...

the appt was set for 10am. though, it took forever to get there, we got there on time. &signed up for everything! i was ready. HE goes and asks tha receptionist if he could go and come back. she said that the patient's driver is supposed to stay w/ tha patient tha ENTIRE time. he said that he'd be right back. the receptionist said to be back before 3 o'clock and i could STILL make surgery for tha day. i was SOOO nervous. i figured that whatev he had to do, he'd be back in time. ---HE was like, "babe. let's go. we'll be back." Little did i know that we would be traveling around tha globe. &of course, we missed tha appt. i cried!! i cried sooo hard. i started to give up. but HE said we could try AGAIN next week:

tha next week comes around and i'm ready AGAIN. or so i thought. i go in...get an ultrasound, so they could determine how far along i was. you have the option to see tha ultrasound or not &i opted to see it. ---it was as moving as i thought i was going to be. i didn't change my mind about tha abortion when i saw it...i just was like ..oh. wow. okay. ---but anywhoo, sooo i go back to tha waiting room until they call me back up &when they did ...i was in for a SHOCK! i was farther along than we thought and tha price was almost DOUBLE! we couldn't afford it. i HAD to call my mom.

"hey, mom. what are you doing?"
"HEY, DANI. WHAT HAPPENED? WHATCHU WANT?"
"well, i kinda got something to tell you."
"OMG. ARE YOU PREGNANT?"
"yes."
"HUH?"
"yes."
"SO. WHATCHU WANNA DO ABOUT IT?"
"we can't keep it. we already have half tha money."
"OKAY. WELL, COME HOME THIS WEEKEND AND WE'LL TALK."
"ok"
*click*

---and so, i packed for my trip home. i left on a saturday to come back w/my mom tha next wkend for my appt. when i got home, i had opportunity to tell my sisters that i was pregnant.
"OMG. ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHYYYY? YOU ARE SO STUPID. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOUL D BE SO STUPID. WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL? WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE? ---YOU ARE THA STUPIDEST PERSON I KNOW. WOW. DANI. WOW. REALLY? WOW."

for some odd reason, i really wasn't expecting that from them. i don't think i was expecting them to be happy. i think i was expecting curiousity but compassion. like support or something. i really didn't expect that AT ALL. &since then, i haven't really looked at them tha same. i mean, they are my family, but ...i dunno. it's really different now. i can't really explain it. but i don't feel comfortable talking to them about some personal issues. i don't feel comfortable venting or telling them how i really feel about certain things. basically, i'd probably only tell them things i'd tell a complete stranger. i'm a really open person, so that includes A LOT of things that some ppl may consider personal, but ...it's really not. but anywhooo...

i go back the next week to pack up my apartment and move back to charleston until school started in about 3 weeks. ---HE helped me move out. tha next day we went to the abortion clinic. paid. went through tha ultrasound and i was just waiting to be called dwn to surgery. as i sat there, HE started devulging his "heart" to me. all of a sudden, he REALLY wanted this baby. he REALLY wanted a family and that's really all i needed. i didn't want to have an abortion. i just didn't want to be alone, if i kept it. when i found out that he ACTUALLY WANTED to keep it. i was almost relieved. i called my mom out in tha hallway &he explained to her what he explained to me. he basically said that everything would be taken care of and ALL i would have to worry about was school. he'd have a place for us to stay by tha time school started and everything would be fine. i believed him. she didn't. but it was MY choice to make. ---since i was having reservations, tha counselor wouldn't let me go through with tha surgery. my heart once again fell in my BUTT!

i told my mom what they said.
she was upset. they told us that i would have to get evaluated and cleared by a counselor at PLANNED PARENTHOOD in order to have tha abortion. at that point i was like FUCK IT! i was so ready to leave ATL. if HE said that everything would be ok, then i believed him. AND THAT DAY, [a YEAR ago TODAY...] was tha start of a whole new world, that i was NOT prepared for.

in those 3 short weeks everything feel apart. everything got worse from then on. i got severely depressed and that's not a good feeling when you're 6mths prego. BUT i figured once he SAW our son. once he SAW that we created a person &we were fully responsible for his well-being...that MAYBE he'd want to be more proactive. NO. he didn't. HE was less than a part-time parent. HE completely disappeared. HE caused me more stress than my newborn and my family. HE was like a tumor that i couldn't get rid of. HE was effecting EVERY aspect of my life. HE was inconsiderate and mostly SELFISH. ---he was a monster.

in my heart, i thought my life was over. i was almost certain that i'd be single for tha rest of my life. who would want a 21yr old with a 4month old son? i felt ugly, i felt used, i felt damaged. I was a VERY broken person. I had absolutely NO ONE to confide in &it showed. i became very mean and nasty and my relationship with my friends and family were very damaged and broken. ---then one day, i just cried. i cried a cry that i wanted to cry for about 9months or so. I was so disappointed myself. I was so ashamed at the type of person i had become. i used to be cool and everybody wanted to be around me and know me. but as soon as, times got hard NO ONE was there. &tha ppl that TRIED to be there only did so because they felt obligated. &sometimes, it STILL feels that way, BUT...

i'm much happier now. i've established a connection with God and my son that no one will ever be able to break. i've made a plan for myself that i am GOING to stick to. my son has been more than an inspiration to me. he makes me feel pretty and confident. he makes me happy when at times, i just wanna be sad. he keeps me company when everyone else has plans. ---i'm not saying it's tha most fun i've had, because right now, it's more stressful than not. i'm still building and learning when it comes to my situation. Being a mother is the most work i've ever done and i didn't even really apply for this position,but i'm learning.

I just want to tell whomever is reading this that ALL things are possible through Jesus Christ. Just stay focused and take care of your responsibilities. if you do what you're supposed to do, things will get better. if you keep your priorities straight, you'll be EVERYTHING you were meant to be. I consider my son a blessing because he showed me WHO is father really was & WHO i really am. He stopped me from going down a very dangerous road and i thank him everyday by being tha BEST mother i can be.

so. thanks for celebrating this day with me.
pce.

Change a Habit in 10days.

yeah, so i heard, or maybe i read it somewhere that when you're trying to either break a habit or break into a habit it takes about ten days and the first three are the hardest. i mean, tha whole process was said to be hard...ya know, incorporating some kind of permanent change in your life always is. but...UGH, it brings soo MUCH freaking anxiety. like, in different forms. i get anxious and my body temp goes up...like i can feel my face getting hot..kinda like when i get mad. i can feel tha blood flow in my extremities, my phalanges and sometimes even my belly button. i know it sounds really weird...but that's really how i know i'm under a lot of stress. everything kinda freaks me out and i become introverted and start focusing on whatever is stressing me out to tha max!

---i was talking to my beloved bFFfL, harry about a sitch in his life and i heard myself something out loud that i've been carrying around for a long time. tha way, i always go back to some ex-"love of my life" as a comfort when i enter a new stage in my life or encounter uncomfortable amounts of stress and anxiety. like when i graduated and moved on to college, i think i made i harder on myself to break up with my ex, Joshua because moving to a new city made me so anxious. i was worried about making friends, keeping my scholarship, grades, money... just beginning a new stage w/o anyone i knew was KILLER, so i continued a kind of jinky and unhealthy relationship with Joshua. like, whenever i came home for holiday breaks, we'd kinda pretend that we were together, even though i was certain that he had begun dating again and so had i. but he was sooo comforting, he was always there. he was tha one i'd drunk call. or cry to, ugh! i love that kid, &to this day, i still do. but i got accustomed to my new life and i kinda moved on from him.

&so it continued. ya know, i'd always run back to Pat when something went wrong. just so i could vent. i prob woulda ran back to Josh but i think he changed his number on me or something. maybe i broke my phone and lost it. i dunno, whatevs. then, recently, it was a battle between Pat and tha BD. lol. ---yeah, it's kinda weird. anytime, my BD was acting crazy or if i just couldn't deal with his shit anymore, i'd just call Pat. it was so convenient and comforting because Pat hated his fucking guts for getting me pregnant and ultimately leaving me in tha first place. so, it wasn't like Pat would try to talk sense into me. He'd always be like, "baby, i love you, so much. fuck that liteskin nigga. i'll beat his ass. i'll kill him for you. i'll come get you and mase and yall can come stay with ME!" &i loved it. i don't think i'm so much in love w/ Pat still, it's just he's a constant. he never changes. he's like your favo pair of undies. you buy new ones but none of them really fit like your favs so you'll never throw them out. But then again, when i was going through something stressful in my life, just in general, i'd call my BD and pretend like i wanted to be with him, because that's tha only way he'd express much concern. &oddly, it was comforting. or maybe it was more like a diversion, like a little get-away from what i probably should have been dealing with head-on in tha FIRST place.

i'd always create this kind of fantasy life with him and tell him how i wanted to be with him and it would last for a couple days, maybe a week or so, until i realized that whatever i was stressed about didn't/wouldn't kill me or it was resolved somehow... i'd go back to how i really feel about that nigga, &he'd always call me a flip-flopper. [actually, i've been called that before and now that i think about it...i was probably doing tha same thing w/ him too. kinda using him as a safety net to get over a hump in my life.] ---that's KINDA fucked up but not really, i mean i AM human. but i know that's not right, now. Primarily, because i NOW know tha confusion tha other party goes through. [excluding Pat, because though he'd tell me all that stuff, which i never believed..he kept doing him. lol. &that's why i love him so much. he's a real nigga. he plays his role and keeps shit moving. lol. LOVE that KID. like fo'real!]

Harry was so fucking confused about what to do in this certain sitch, because on his end he was getting mixed signals. honestly, i prob couldn'tve given two or more fucks about how THEY REALLY felt [at that specfic time], because i was sooo stressed and instead of really talking about what was stressing me, i'd make light of it and just let tha convo drift into something that i was more comfortable talking about like...awesome sex, tha love that i used to have for them, or something that involved our past [tha good times only...] that would ALWAYS make me smile and feel better. so i'd do it more often and regularly and may have seemed to tha COMFORTguy that i might want to be with them somehow or...like i actually sit and think about them all tha time. lol. i know it sounds kinda heartless so that's why i've decided to try something new...

when i get anxious, stressed and fill with doubt, i'm gonna try not to run back to any of the aforementioned COMFORTguys. yesterday was tha first day and it went well, in a sense that i didn't call anyone, BUT ...today, i'm soo shaky... and i'm hungry but can't really eat. i mean...i had some ribs and lima beans &rice &a big ass cup of red kool-aid.. [YUM] but still...i feel hungry. or maybe it's butterflies...which are really nervousness which comes from my anxiety and doubt about tha unknown! ---day#2 bitches, &these withdrawal symptoms are NOT tha bizness! at all. i think it's not going so well, because i haven't really replaced these guys with anything. maybe i should start exercising again...

writing this blog kinda helped.
ugh. any suggestions?
=/

Featuring...

...Mr. Demetrius Bra aka Meat Da Man...



straight outta "collipawwwk." i fuck w/ this dude. he's an overall good guy. musically, he's a hustla and from tha sounds of this new tuneage, i think he's trying new sounds and i kinda like it. ---i don't have facebook &i refuse to promote it, even if he has one. lol. sorry, personal reasons. you can DEF get a taste of this new georgia sound at: [time for shameless promotions and plugs. LMAO.]

MYSPACE.COM/DEMETRIUSEST
MYSPACE.COM/DEMETRIUSEST
MYSPACE.COM/DEMETRIUSEST
MYSPACE.COM/DEMETRIUSEST
I WANNA MEET MEAT!!


LMAO. yeah, that's me in tha red, xmas PJ pants...lmao! good times!

Ooooh, yall wanted MUUUUUSSSSIIIIIC...k...


http://www.ilike.com/player?app=ilike&url=/player/auto_playlist_by_artistname%3Fq%3DDemetrius%2520Bra

ask.nikeface@gmail QUESTION of tha DAY:

So, i really didn't think anyone was really going to send any emails once i ACTUALLY gave them an opportunity to be featured on tha blog BUT... i was MISTAKEN. i like being wrong every once in a while. i LIKE thinking tha worst... &expecting tha typically and being pleasantly surprised! anywho... so this is my VERY first EMAIL RESPONSE:

Ask Nikeface: "hey gurl. i like ur blog. i don't read it everyday but when i do run across ur link on ur myspace or twitter page i make sure i read what u updated. my question is what is ur advice for a young single mother."

Nikeface Confesses: well, i want to say congrats, to you [if you're tha young single mother] or to whomev you're refering to. having a baby is one tha most beautiful and amazing blessings God could have ever given to tha human race. and you should be thankful that he chose you. but it's HARD. it is SOOO HARD. like, not even financial [but mostly.] ---but the emotions you go through. my son is 6mths old and i think i'm finally getting postpartum! it's really ridiculous. my mood swings are horrendous, but most of tha time i'm by myself so, no one has to feel my wrath anymore. lol. but seriously, my best advice to have a plan and stick to it. of course, you're going to have work around shit and revise, devise and finalize LOTS of times. but always, do what's best for YOU and tha BABY. accept ALL tha help you can. food stamps, daycare vouchers, WIC, job training classes, job placement services, housing assistance...WHATEVER you can qualify for... get it, because contrary to popular belief people ACTUALLY need those benefits and YOU, as a YOUNG, SINGLE, mother should be taking advantage of these tools offered by your state. even if no one else believes you can, I DO! because i'm def not an expert on being a single mom, BUT ...i am one nonetheless and am actually kinda flattered you sent this question. ---soo, ahhh, yeah... just stayed FOCUSED and POSITIVE. love God, love your seed and love YOURSELF.

yours truly.
nkfce.